2018-05-11 11:54:08 UTC
The Fudd Manifesto: Ten ‘Responsible’ Gun Control Measures We Can All Get
BY DAN ZIMMERMAN |MAY 10, 2018 |130 COMMENTS
courtesy huffingtonpost.com and Getty
Tell me if you’ve read something like this before.
We are Republican, Democratic and independent. We come from the East, South,
Midwest and West. We are conservative, progressive and liberal. We are men
and women. We include eight members of the Circle of Chiefs, the highest
conservation honor of the Outdoor Writers Association of America. We are all
different in many ways, but we have important commonalities. We are
Americans; we are gun owners; we are hunters; and we support responsible
Note the use of the latest term of art, “responsible firearm regulation.”
Why not common sense?
We avoid the term ”common sense,” understanding the wisdom in Voltaire’s
words ― “Common sense is not so common.”
Of course. Silly us.
The Puffington Host has dug up – and they probably didn’t have to dig too
deeply — a group of avid hunters, outdoorsmen, conservationists and writers
who feel just terrible about what’s become of the American gun culture.
Yes, the Second Amendment conveys a right to “keep and bear” firearms. But
rights come with responsibilities, and we all have a moral responsibility to
address America’s crisis of gun violence.
Translation: Do whatever you want to those crazy open carriers and the
idiots I see out there in the woods who are hunting with ARs. You know, the
wacko contingent that owns lots of guns and just keeps buying more!
Most hunters own guns principally to hunt game. We use them safely and
respectfully: If someone is injured during their use, it will most likely be
a friend or family member, since that is who we hunt with. We don’t buy a
lot of guns. We usually have a few favorites, often passed down to us by
fathers or grandfathers. The gun industry figured that out decades ago, and
switched to creating guns for a different market.
Those…people…the ones who hunt with those black things, really aren’t our
That’s not to say that all hunters are like-minded on the issue of
regulating firearms. As our numbers have dwindled, many have found a
comforting alliance with Second Amendment radicalism. But we believe this is
not representative of most hunters, and certainly not the tradition of the
Those damned Second Amendment radicals! What makes them think that the right
to keep and bear arms means you should actually be able to carry a gun? And
besides, no one really needs an AR anyway.
We do not need AR-15s or any assault-style weapon to hunt game. That’s not
to say some people won’t use them to hunt. But they are simply not
necessary, and are actually not preferable for legitimate, fair-chase
Naturally, the Fudd constituency has come up with a list of, dare we say,
common sense, responsible gun control measures that any right-thinking
person should see are both urgently needed and eminently reasonable.
1. An age minimum of 21 years to purchase any gun;
2. Anyone on the Terrorist Screening Center’s “no-fly list” may not purchase
or possess firearms;
3. Anyone on Social Security disability due to mental illness may not
purchase or possess firearms;
4. Prohibit new sales of semiautomatic assault or tactical-style weapons;
5. Prohibit new sales of semiautomatic shotguns or rifles (except
.22-caliber rim fire) that can hold more than 10 rounds;
6. Prohibit any accessory designed or mechanical modification intended a) to
increase the rate at which any firearm may be discharged; or b) to increase
the magazine capacity of a semiautomatic rifle beyond 10 rounds (except
.22-caliber rim fire);
7. Mandatory and universal background checks for all firearm sales;
8. Prohibit sales of firearms except through registered/licensed dealers (no
direct private sales);
9. Enact gun violence restraining order authorities allowing courts to
temporarily prohibit a person from purchasing or possessing firearms when a
family member, community welfare expert or law enforcement officer presents
evidence of a threat; and
10. Repeal the “Dickey ban” on scientific research in the area of gun
violence and implement the Institute of Medicine’s 2013 gun violence
There. We’ve said it. As long as we’re allowed to hunt with the guns we
already have, we’ll be happy and you’ll have done something about…those
people. Besides, we’re sure you’ll never come after us and our firearms.
Because we’re the good, responsible kind of gun owner. You’ll leave us
alone, right? Won’t you?
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