Jew MaKe Poor Soap
2021-10-08 00:21:36 UTC
Nothing is so sacred, so taboo, or so digusting that it cannot be the
subject of humor.
* * *
"Grandpa what is that?" the boy asked his grandpa, pointing to the veteran
memorial wall in the Shul lobby.
"That, my boy, is a tribute to all the people who died in the service."
"Oh wow!" exclaimed the awestruck boy. "The Rosh Hashanah service or the
Yom Kippur service?"
* * *
Goldberg is the Shamas at the shul. One day he receives a package for the
shul and signs for it with an "X".
The shul President asks what gives with the "X", and Goldberg admits that
he can't write.
The President discusses this with the committee and they agree that it
will not do to have an illiterate shamas, so they fire him.
What is an unemployed shamas to do? He opens a grocery store.... And it
does very well.... So he opens another.
He becomes so successful that very soon he has a chain of supermarkets.
He decides to expand across the country and he gets a billion-dollar loan
from the bank.
The loan documents are placed before him for his signature. In the space
he makes an "X".
The bank Sr. V.P. looks at the "X" on the document, shakes his head and
says to Goldberg: "Mr Goldberg, can you imagine what you could have become
if only you knew how to write...?"
Goldberg answers, "Yes, I know... a shamas."
* * *
One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a
long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and
tell Him that they were done with Him.
The scientist walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no
longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many
miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost."
God listened very patiently and kindly to the man. After the scientist was
done talking, God said, "Very well, let's say we have a man-making
contest." To which the scientist replied, "Okay, great!"
But God added, "Now, we're going to do this just like I did back in the
old days with Adam."
The scientist said, "Sure, no problem" and bent down and grabbed himself a
handful of dirt.
God looked at him and said, "No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!"